Let's Talk About...Relationships

Okay, so I was bound to write something about this so sit tight, relax and get ready.

Relationships.

I don't know anything about them. People however either love them, hate them or just aren't about them.

For myself personally, I've never had a boyfriend (I had one in year 5 but that lasted 3 weeks and he called me a mole after I dumped him... so I'm not about talking about THAT mess).

Boyfriends for me personally have been an interesting journey into being interested in many different people with different personality traits and interests.

Have I had any luck gaining a man? HELL NO.

I'm hopeless, I'll admit my deepest, darkest secret.

I suck with the male species. Usually, I'm winging most of my encounters with the opposite gender and it's never a dull moment, believe me.

But if you're anything like me, you have friends that are in happy relationships and have each other and treat other with dates, gifts and the (dreaded) Valentines' Day. Honestly, who thought that day was a good idea?

From watching (or observing, how ever you want to take this) people's relationships and what happens during them, I've decided that there are basic rules and do's and don't's to a successful (somewhat) relationship.

JUST A QUICK DISCLAIMER: I am in NO WAY an expert in this field, I'll leave that to the professionals, but I am shedding my light on the whole topic in general so this should be good.

TRUST & HONESTY

Trust & honesty is number 1 in a relationship with me personally, I don't know about anyone else, but I think that's rule number 1 for anyone.

If you can't trust or be honest with the person you're in a relationship with, what the hell are you doing?

Either get out of the damn relationship or talk about the trust issues you're experiencing with your partner and be honest about it, communication is key kids, trust me. Without trust or honesty, there is no smooth sailing, it's literally going to bumpy and unpleasant and will make you sea sick (sorry, I said smooth sailing and I wanted to stick with the ocean theme, sue me).

I don't understand how some people can be together but be so paranoid that they worry whether their other half is cheating, have trust with your partner to go out with their friends on a Saturday night. If you know your partner is likely to flirt or cheat on you, I'll say it again;

GET OUT OF THE DAMN RELATIONSHIP. SIMPLE BUT EFFECTIVE.

You're better than that and can do so much better than be stuck in a toxic relationship.

COMMUNICATION

I just mentioned this, but having communication is an always must in a relationship. I mean, how awkward but hilarious would it be if you were dating someone and just never spoke to them, at all...sorry, I'll get back on topic.

Having good communication in everything will make a relationship go a lot smoother and be more anxiety free. If all you do is argue, having screaming matches and make up and break up constantly, you're out of your damn mind if you think it'll last, again, just my opinion.

But being able to talk to your partner about your emotions, feelings and thoughts can make understanding each other better, find out what makes your other half tick and DON'T push that button, what they like and dislike about different topics. Communication, trust and honesty all come under the same roof, if you have these three things down pat, you'll be together for a long time.

FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU; FULL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME; FULL ME THREE TIMES; IT ISN'T A MISTAKE, IT'S A BEHAVIOUR

Cheaters are the worst.

Sadly, there are many different types of cheaters and social media has made it worse to being able to have good communication, trust and honesty in relationships, that's not an opinion, that's fact.

Your partner hasn't texted you back and it's been an hour? Argument.

Your partner liked that hot guy or girl's photo on Instagram? Argument.

Your partner is snap chatting another girl or guy? Argument.

You wonder why your grandmother's and grandfather's have lasted so long in relationships and marriages? They didn't have internet or a computer for problems to begin on.

Now, before I get charged at with pitch forks and what not, social media has allowed people to find love using eHarmony and what not, that's true and I'm not dissing it. I know a woman who met a man online and they've been together for 7 years. All I'm saying is having your relationship published on the internet for everyone to see and comment on can easily put a strain on it. Again, it's an opinion.

But I'm lowkey right.

Depending on the type of person you are however will depend on if you want to stay with your partner after they've cheated, it also depends on the situation. Here's an example:

Eg.) Your partner had sex with someone else behind your back.

Some break up with their partner, some talk things out to stay together and some even have sex with their partner's best friend for revenge, however you deal with the situation is your business, but for me personally, it's fool me once; shame on you, you wont be fooling me twice.

I don't get cheaters, if you're not happy in a relationship or want someone else, don't cheat! Be honest and truthful to your partner and tell them how you feel. Cheating in the end works out for no one.

But, if you've been a cheater yourself, or you think you have and you've accepted you've done wrong, you're one step closer to redemption and being a better person. Us being teenagers are bound to make mistakes, it's how we learn for the future when we get older in making sure we don't make the same mistake. Some people never do, and instead of being a mistake, it turns into a behaviour.

That's never a good thing.

So, to sum up this topic, don't cheat.

WHAT'S THE SECRET TO BEING ABLE TO BE IN A LONG, HAPPY RELATIONSHIP?

Okay, I'm about to drop a bomb on you that may even put you into shock.

The only way, in my opinion, to have a healthy, long lasting relationship is...

Loving yourself before loving someone else and accepting being happy if you're alone for a while.

Don't lie, you all saw that one coming.

This is probably one of the most vital pieces of information I've ever been given and it's stuck with me for quiet a while now, which is why I haven't found anyone. Plus, I'm 19 and have my whole life ahead of me, so I can wait to find the love of my life.

I'm still learning to love myself, which is also why I haven't found anyone. If I can't love and accept the person who I am, how am I going to do that for someone else?

I don't want to rely on someone else to make me feel loved and happy, relying your happiness and mental health on someone to make you happy is so unhealthy, I know from experience. It drains you mentally and physically and is in no way good for you.

If you can love and be happy with the person you are, your partner will feel the same way about you.

But, if you can also accept in being single and alone for a while, you'll also be okay when you do end up in a relationship. Surround yourself with the people that already love you for who you are and enjoy spending time with them. Life is not all about finding that special someone to spend your life with.

I've learned that the hard way.

So go, if you're single, enjoy being single. Travel, work, save money, hang out with friends and wait, your time will come when you'll meet someone.

If you're in a relationship, be honest, truthful and open with each other, if you really love and care about you're partner and want to stay with them, it'll do you both good to communicate with each other.

If you're stuck in a toxic relationship? Evaluate the situation and ask yourself these three questions:

Are they good for me?

Do they make me happy?

Can I live without them?

So, in conclusion from this, relationships are hard work with time and commitment, make sure you're ready in yourself to take the next step and open up to someone else.

I'm not ready yet; but I'm okay with that.

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